Wednesday, 21 July 2021

Isolation vs Depression vs Probable ADHD

long time no blog… mostly due to a mixture of the above and of simply having nothing to say. It’s been a weird 18 months / nearly 2 years for everyone, you don’t need me to tell you that. 






A lot has changed for me since I last posted, I got a new job which is lovely, I’m finally moving to Dublin in September to study for my masters and currently I’m isolating, awaiting my PCR test results…


I figured a very short little post with some pics from my last day out in town would suffice so I won’t say much more; I’ll save everything I have to say in any depth or detail, for future, much more succinct posts. 


I hope you’re all happy and healthy x 


IWx

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Monday, 15 February 2021

CERVICAL SCREENING (SMEAR TEST): a brief discussion about my experience

I’m going to preface this post by pointing out the fact that I wrote this a while ago. My way of coping with this lockdown is something I honestly don’t even understand yet, I am content and fine but I’m definitely a bit distant from myself... so I wrote this post and then just did nothing with it even though I wanted it to be on my blog, I just didn’t post it yet and I don’t know why. But enjoy, I think it’s such an important thing to know about and to have done and I hope you find this post useful in some way. 




If you follow me on Instagram you may have seen me post on my stories about getting my cervical screening done for the first time ever last week. Oddly perhaps, this is something I’ve been looking forward to for a long time... let me explain myself


In the UK you get your first cervical screening age 25, you wait for a letter from the NHS, then book in at your GP. I got my letter in December and booked in literally a week before I had it, turns out you don’t have to be 25, you just have to be nearly 25 and have received the letter. 


I think the age limit is slightly ridiculous, the screening is so so important, not only for peace of mind that you’re healthy but to check you have no abnormalities or growths, and therefore to prevent cervical cancer. 


In my opinion, the test should be encouraged from age 18, like it is in lots of other countries. If you’re sexually active, you should be getting the screening. 


So I was excited about getting my screening done, which a lot of people thought was weird, but this excitement was due to the fact I know it’s so important, and that I’ve had to wait so long for it. I still might sound a bit silly for being excited but there you go that is why. 


Now, let’s talk about the actual screening. It is over so unbelievably quickly and is barely even uncomfortable, it just feels a bit weird. You go in, undress from the waist down (I intentionally wore a dress), you lie down, ankles together and knees bent outwards, they put the apparatus inside you, open it up, take a swab and then remove. The whole time it was being explained to me and the practitioner was chatting to me throughout. Honestly the most difficult thing was wearing my mask because I couldn’t see anything since I was lying down. It was so quick and easy, it was honestly over within 5 minutes at most. 


So if you’re due to have a cervical screening and you’re apprehensive, I can honestly assure you it is nothing to worry about. If you have any questions about my experience feel free to DM me on Instagram and I’ll honestly tell you anything! 


IWx 

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Wednesday, 20 January 2021

2021

 I’m not going to lie, I’ve not been feeling particularly positive lately. I’m coping and doing ok and making sure I don’t push myself too much. I hope everyone else is also being kind to themselves- I think it’s truly so important at the moment. As Harry Styles says, Treat People With Kindness and I think that people definitely includes yourself.

As I said I have been taking things slowly and not pushing myself, which quite honestly is so difficult to not feel guilty about, ordinarily I’m trying to do 547 things at once and I love to be busy. I’m actually starting to enjoy this new slow pace though, it makes it so much easier to address how I’m feeling within the world, instead of trying to ignore it. I can get all my sadness and anger out and then be happy or at the very least content in my headspace.

One of the things that has really helped me is bullet journaling. I’ve been using my bullet journal for years but I’m really taking the time to sit down and write out what I want to achieve in a week etc and let me tell you, none of it is at all groundbreaking but it is so helpful. I do my shopping lists and to-do lists, I have SIMPLE goals for each week like literally doing laundry.

At the moment, just existing is enough to do each day, and there is absolutely no need to feel guilty if that is all you have done. I have had so many days like that. Sometimes I just pick a small activity to do in a day, like a bit of knitting or drawing or cooking, nothing that really requires intense thought.

I think all I’m really trying to say is that I’m making sure to be kind to myself and you should too.


IWx
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Sunday, 18 October 2020

THE ETERNAL AUTUMN REWATCH OF GILMORE GIRLS


For me, and I think so many others, feeling the need to watch Gilmore girls from season one episode one as soon as it’s officially autumn comes hand in hand with listening to Taylor swift, big jumpers and strong hot coffees. I am going to try my best to explain the love I have for this show and how it is so seasonally appropriate, regardless of the season it may be in whatever episode. 



Needless to say, my boyfriend, my family and my friends find my seemingly constant re-watching of shows tiresome but especially when it’s Gilmore girls. For me, for no particular reason, watching Gilmore girls gives me the exact same feeling as the start of a new school year. A fresh start, positive vibes and a renewed energy. I realise I’m 24 years old, I’ve not had a start to a new school year for quite some time, but my whole life it has been my absolute favourite time of year. The smell of new school uniform, paired with shiny shoes and a carefully planned low messy bun. I didn’t love school or anything, I just loved the start to a new school year, and there’s not much depth as to why, just a feeling. Gilmore Girls gives me that same feeling. 


The opening to the first episode, playing The La’s there she goes, an autumnal anthem if I ever did hear one. It’s the nostalgia of being back in school, a beautiful and complex mother daughter relationship and so much dialogue. I am a talker and my mind goes at a million miles an hour, and Gilmore girls keeps my attention, quick wit and sarcastic comments make the show what it is. 


The characters are loveable and detestable in equal measures, they’re all inherently flawed, making them multi faceted unlike so many male written female characters. It is realistic, whilst also being entirely ludicrous, how anyone is uninterested by it baffles me. 


I am however only this attached to the first few series, I’m absolutely not invested in Rorys life at Yale, or with Logan at all. I think Dean is a wonderful first boyfriend to Rory and I adore Jess but I also don’t think she should have ended up with any of them, as she didn’t. I think it’s important to note that although yes, boyfriends and boys are a big theme throughout the programme, they are never made to be the priority or sole interest of the main characters. Perhaps Madeline and Louise, but quite frankly I love that about them, I love that they were completely normal teenage girls. 


I wish I could adequately explain why Gilmore Girls  is the perfect autumnal watch but it’s so difficult, it’s a vibe or a feeling and I sound like fruit loop but I know it’s true. If you’re a Gilmore Girls fan, please let me know why you think Gilmore Girls is particularly autumnal because clearly I need a hand here! 


-IWx 

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Monday, 29 June 2020

THE LITTLE (FAULTY?) PRAIRIE DRESS

Let’s have a chat about this dress. I love it, the colours and the ditsy floral with the shirring, frilled sleeves, high neck and practically no shape... this dress is me all over. I saw it on a few people on Instagram and fell into a fast fashion trap. 

It was on sale and for no clear reason... so obviously I bought it. I don’t regret buying it as such but when it arrived and I tried it on I was slightly perplexed. The arms seemed far too tight, and the shoulder seams were definitely off, but I’m no expert... my mum is. Having a mother who is a very skilled seamstress is incredibly useful, especially when analysing what is wrong with a garment. We figured out that I was right, the seams at the shoulder and arms were off which caused a lot of issues. 



I thought about this for a while and realised I had seen no photos of anyone using their arms in this dress, no ones arms were above their heads and on closer inspection it did even look a little weird on the Zara website. Being otherwise totally obsessed with this faulty sale find, I had to find a way to fix it. Which essentially meant my mum fixed it for me. 


At first we considered removing the sleeves entirely, but I wanted to keep as much of the dress in tact as possible. I then asked why we couldn’t just unstitch the arm seams and add in a panel of fabric, so that the dress could fit and I could, you know, move in it. At first we were reluctant as we couldn’t exactly take fabric for this extra panel from anywhere else in the dress. I then just thought... lace.. when doesn’t lace look pretty? Plus, it’s certainly the most breathable fabric we could add to the armpit of a garment. 




And then my mum worked her magic, and our vision actually worked. I wore this dress for the first time today, on a picnic for mine and Finn’s anniversary and I was super comfortable and happy. I hate feeling restricted in my clothes, and clothes should never be restrictive but I just couldn’t let go of this dress once I had it. And quite frankly, I’m glad I didn’t. 

If you’d like a more visual representation of what I just explained, I’ve popped a little video on my IGTV of the process and I really hope you enjoy it. 


IWx
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Saturday, 30 May 2020

FEELING LIKE I'M MENTAL?

I didn't say a single thing about my mental health during international mental health week because honestly I don't know what's going on at the moment. Lockdown has ruined my brain and I'm in a constant state of dissociation from myself. So, even though I'm normally first to talk about my diagnosed depression, the fact I take 100mg of sertraline daily and I do sometimes struggle but for some reason, I've just  not been with it.




I reckon I'm in this boat with lots of other people who feel like they're not even real at the moment... It's easy enough for me to get up, get dressed, eat and do my basic daily things and that seems to be all. I can take photos and look pretty but I  lacking the capacity for any sort of in depth thought or discussion.

Funnily enough, this is taking me a long time to write which is a bunch of fun. I don't know what to do or day at the moment which is so unlike me. I'm normally a very certain and decisive person but at the moment I'm the complete opposite and it's a nightmare. 

If I figure this out I'll be sure to update you all as soon as I do, I just felt like briefly explaining my current lack of presence. 

IWx 
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Thursday, 7 May 2020

CHIT CHAT

Week 435 of Lockdown and I am still bored in the house and I’m in the house bored. I finally went on a decent hour long walk a couple of days ago. I still get very anxious being around other people and I definitely overthink keeping my distance but it’s getting a little easier. 

I still go out as little as possible, I could not do a long walk everyday without having an anxiety attack which is completely fine. I honestly don’t think anyone should be going out unless they really need to. I’m fortunate enough to have a garden so I still spend lots of time outside without being around other people and it’s easier to just exercise at home in my own space when I actually feel like it. I’m not gonna lie, it’s rare. I think the only exercise I truly am missing is dancing on a night out? I’m sure many people feel the same but I just miss having a boogie with my pals SO much. 

I wish I could talk about something else but it’s genuinely really difficult to because it has completely altered every aspect of life, as I’m sure everyone is fully aware. How boring. 


SHORTS - ASOS
TOP - H&M (actually a dress)
I’ve been doing a lot of things I don’t normally have time for. I’ve been playing animal crossing pocket camp on my phone, because I really can’t justify buying a Nintendo switch right now, as much as I do want to, and I’m really enjoying it. I hadn’t played it in a really long time so it’s been nice getting back into it. I’m a proper animal crossing girl, I had it on my DS when I was little and was obsessed, and then when it came out for the Nintendo wii, I saved up and my dad brought me to borders after school on the release date to buy it, that was honestly so exciting. I did really enjoy the wii game but I think the nature of it being on a shared console meant I just couldn’t play it as much as I’d have liked. I suppose if lockdown were to last a lot longer I might end up considering buying a switch but I’m in no rush. 

As well as playing animal crossing on my phone I’ve been re-watching New Girl and Gilmore Girls, Doctor Who and have nearly finished Parks and Rec. I’ve curated a list of films I’d like to watch and I’ve been reading. I find it difficult to concentrate on anything for that long because my mind seems to just wander lately, so re-watching programmes I’ve already seen is just easy I suppose. 

Another easy watch was Normal People, the TV adaptation of the book by Sally Rooney on bbc iplayer. That was an easy watch in the sense that I had already read the book and knew I’d enjoy it. A thoroughly beautiful adaptation which I highly recommend watching even if you haven’t yet read the book. You should read the book at some point though, it is also lovely and I finished it in one afternoon back in February. I wouldn’t say it’s one of the best books I’ve ever read but it is a book you could read a million times over and never tire of, it’s a really sweet, complex story. I spoke about all of this on my Instagram story the other day because I just felt like I needed to. My mother keeps bugging me to talk to her about it, because she watched it just after me and has now borrowed the book from me but I kind of didn’t want a discussion, I just wanted to put my thoughts out into the world, I’m not sure why. I also wanted to be sure lots of my friends would watch it because I knew they’d enjoy it, and I was interested to find out if they did. 

In terms of other art and stuff I’m consuming and creating I’m not really sure where to start. I’ve done lots of baking and cooking and kitchen stuff. I’ve Ben uploading to my vegan food Instagram account almost daily. I’ve been drawing and playing with my clothes and I’m going to start painting and hopefully getting more creative with photoshoots too, especially while I have all this weird empty time. 

Please let me know how you’ve been occupying your time, especially, if like me, you can’t work right now. I’m finding it very peculiar and am itching to be back at work as soon as possible (and obviously only once it’s safe), I’m definitely missing it a lot. Imagine having the audacity to state that as a nation we are “becoming addicted to furlough”... I can only speak for myself but I’d definitely rather be back at work with my friends, earning my wage by working hard... anyone else?! If anything I’d say we were addicted to normalcy and certainty and are currently experiencing withdrawals. But what do I know. 

IWx 
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Monday, 27 April 2020

CLOTHES AND NOT MUCH ELSE| EVERYDAY OUTFIT POST

Since I’ve been furloughed (don’t even know if that is a verb?) I’ve not really had much to do and I’ve been focusing entirely on creating visual content. I think of what outfit I’m going to wear, how I’m going to do my make up and then take photos in the garden. 

It’s nice in that it gives me focus whilst not being difficult or a burden at all. My only problem is that I don’t maintain that focus to then write up a blog post, I’m just not in the right headspace. And that’s ok despite how frustrating I might find it. 

HEADSCARF - PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND

I suppose what I’m saying is that right now things are difficult, and maintaining any type of normalcy is near impossible but that that’s FINE, it’s okay if you’re finding it difficult because I am too. 

It’s unlike me to struggle for words. I’ve been known to lose my voice and still be trying to have some sort of constant monologue going on, resulting in no voice for even longer. 



What’s strange is, all conversations end up here. Thinking about lockdown and our current societal struggle. I thought I could probably get down a vaguely coherent ramble about a specific outfit but I genuinely can’t right now. I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling lost in their own mind and their own words, yet it does feel ever so lonely. 

No clue how I’ll ever sum this post up, so I’m just going to stop. Hopefully at some point soon my words will come back to me. 


IWx 
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Monday, 20 April 2020

LOCKDOWN BIRTHDAY

Last week I turned a year older, it was unsurprisingly not that eventful considering our current 'lockdown' situation but nonetheless I had a lovely day and am quite content in my age. I am now 24 years old, officially in my mid twenties, dunno if that's cool or tragic or scary but I'm very bothered by it.





Even though I couldn't do much for my birthday I put on a party dress and pranced about until I was too tired and got into my comfies for tv and takeaway. It was an overall lovely, chilled day and I thought I'd share some cute photos of me in the garden in my dress, why not.

If anyone else has a lockdown birthday, I sincerely hope you have a lovely day with lots of love and happiness and we can all have a second birthday like the queen does where we will do everything we missed out on, deal?

IWx 
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Saturday, 4 April 2020

PRAIRIE GIRL AND PET CHICKEN


 JEANS - ROWE JEANS WEEKDAY
BOOTS - NEWLOOK
BLOUSE - H&M
TANGLED NECKLACES - H&M
GLASSES - QUAY 
FLUFFY JACKET - H&M
FAUX LEATHER BEST - DEPOP

Meet Holly, she is one of our pet chickens and she is so cute and so cuddly. We've had pet chickens for YEARS as a family and I've always loved them, despite the obvious slight weirdness of having pet chickens as a vegan. They are a lovely pet and they make the garden so much more cheerful? 

I don't quite know why I feel the need to talk this much about the chickens but apparently I do. The other two chickens we have at the moment are Priscilla (full title: Priscilla queen of the garden furniture) who is very flighty and would 100% never let me pick her up, and Ivy, who is equally as chilled as Holly but a little bit quieter. 


So, we obviously took these photos in the garden and I had wanted to take photos with one of the chickens for a while, somewhat inspired by Mr Harry Styles. I think it's always essential to take inspiration from Harry. Especially if he's holding a chicken? Unfortunately I don't have a pet lamb. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you serially need to look up photos of him with the farm animals because they are beautiful. They were done for Gucci obviously and are ICONIC. 

Quite frankly I think me and Holly are equally iconic. 


IWx 
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